Every Company in Trucking Now 'Award-Winning' After Launch of New Award for Having Entered an Award
The ceremony ran four hours and 40 minutes, and the only company that went home empty-handed was the caterer.
In a glittering ceremony held in a hotel ballroom that smelled faintly of carpet glue, the trucking industry this week handed out its newest and most inclusive honour: the Award for Having Entered an Award.
The prize, created by the entirely fictional Association of Award-Winning Associations, goes to any company that has submitted an entry for any other award. With this year's winners, organizers believe that every carrier, broker, software vendor, mud flap supplier and at least one parking-lot sweeper in the country can now legally put "award-winning" in its email signature.
"Trucking is an industry of winners," said the association's chair, Vivian Plaque, as she held two trophies and was handed a third mid-sentence. "And by winners, I mean anyone who paid the $1,450 entry fee before the early-bird deadline."
Categories for everyone
This year's program featured 312 categories, including:
- Best Fleet With a Name Ending in "Logistics"
- Most Innovative Use of the Word "Innovative"
- Top Fleet for Women in Trucking (Mid-Sized, Western Region, Reefer, Tuesdays)
- Safest Carrier of the Year Among Carriers That Entered This Category, a field of one
- Lifetime Achievement in Sending Press Releases
A new category, Excellence in Accepting Awards, was won by the same three executives who won it last year and who have perfected the double-handed trophy grip and the sincere "this belongs to our drivers" speech, delivered while the drivers were on the road.
Drivers honoured, in spirit
Drivers were recognized in a heartfelt video montage set to an acoustic cover of a song about highways. Organizers apologized that no actual drivers could attend, as the ceremony was held on a weekday afternoon, which is when drivers are, they said, "doing their thing."
The evening closed with the presentation of next year's new category: the Award for Having Won the Award for Having Entered an Award. Entries open Monday.
At press time, this publication was informed that it had been shortlisted for Best Coverage of an Award Ceremony and had been invoiced accordingly.