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Breaking news, eventually.

SATIRE · Truck Snooze is a parody site. Not affiliated with Truck News or Annex Business Media. Everything here is made up.

SatireBrokers

Broker Offers 'Very Generous' $1.10 a Mile for Load That 'Basically Drives Itself'

The 1,900-kilometre, three-stop, hand-unload, no-detention load is described as an 'easy one.'

A freight broker at a fictional brokerage called Brokerly Brokerson Logistics posted what he called "an absolute steal of a load" to a load board this week, offering $1.10 a mile for a run he says "basically drives itself."

The load, according to the posting, involves three pickups, four drops, a hand unload at a receiver that opens "around 6-ish, maybe," a mandatory 48-hour lumper wait and a final delivery to an address listed only as "behind the big building, you'll see it."

"I'm leaving money on the table here, honestly," said the broker, who introduced himself as Tyler, then as Ty, and then, by the third phone call, as "your partner in this." "I'm basically losing money so you can win."

Rates per mile, explained

Tyler explained that while $1.10 a mile might sound low, carriers should consider the many other benefits:

  • The "experience" of driving through four provinces
  • Exposure, which Tyler says "a lot of my carriers love"
  • The chance to build a "relationship" that could lead to more loads, each at $1.05
  • A five-star rating on Tyler's personal scale, which goes up to three

When asked about the detention policy, Tyler replied that detention starts "after the first 11 hours" and is paid "on a case-by-case basis," with every case reviewed by Tyler, who has never approved one.

Market conditions

Tyler stressed that the freight market is "really tough right now," a view he has held continuously since the moment he was hired. "Rates are soft," he said, from a phone he described as "the new one, with the three cameras."

Industry analysts we invented for this article say the gap between what the shipper pays and what the carrier is offered has widened so much that it now has its own postal code.

Counteroffers welcomed, ignored

Carriers who called to counter at $2.40 a mile were told that the load "just got covered" and then saw it reposted four minutes later at $1.05 with the note "URGENT – CAN ANYONE HELP??"

At press time, Tyler had called this reporter three times to ask if we had "a truck in the area."

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