New Truck Cab Ships With 47 Cupholders, No Place to Put a Phone, Logbook or Elbow
A maker that exists only in our imaginations says drivers asked for more space, so it filled the space with round holes.
A truck maker that definitely exists in our imaginations this week unveiled what it calls "the most driver-focused cab in history," a sleek new interior featuring 47 cupholders and absolutely nowhere to set down anything that is not a cup.
"Drivers told us they wanted more space," said a fictional product manager while standing in a showroom, holding a coffee in each hand and a third in the crook of his elbow. "We heard 'space' and we thought, what fills space better than a perfectly round hole?"
Cups everywhere
The cupholders are spread across the dash, both doors, the sleeper bunk, the ceiling, and a small swing-out tray behind the clutch pedal that engineers call "the surprise." Each one is sized for a different drink, from a 4-ounce espresso shot to the 64-ounce truck stop fountain cup, which gets its own heated, padded holster and a tiny seatbelt.
Not included: a phone mount, a slot for paperwork, a hook for a jacket, or a flat surface larger than a postage stamp. Bills of lading must now be stored by "rolling them up really tight and putting them in a cupholder."
Mixed reviews from the road
Early testers praised the design for helping them stay hydrated, then complained they now need to stop every 40 minutes for reasons the hours-of-service rules do not cover. One driver said she tried to keep her phone in cupholder number 31 and it was promptly filled by an automatic beverage-detection system that dispensed lukewarm decaf.
The company says a future update will add "a place for your phone," which early drawings show is a 48th cupholder with a small rubber pad in it.
Truck Snooze is a satire site. This story is made up.